Part Seven; Journey with my Mother
In this seventh blog from James Gilmour about being a carer for his mother with dementia, he describes the transition from being the sole carer, and the introduction of other support. Being in a comfortable financial position isn’t any help if the people available to hire aren’t educated about distressed behaviour in dementia.
Their lack of knowledge about dementia meant they could only deal with his mother when she was not presenting a problem, which limited their value to him in his exhausted state. Now read on.
The Assessment/Support Team
“In the end, not including the private care which I had arranged (and had proved very unsatisfactory) we spent over £87,000.”
The arrival of the local assessment and support team was welcome. The occupational therapist insisted on some adaptations to the house for comfort and safety which were easily and quickly arranged. The social worker was clearly very clued up and I was able to talk about financial arrangements (as I had Power of Attorney) and agree that any care plan would be self-supporting and no expectation existed about financial subsidy or help from the state or local council. In the end, not including the private care which I had arranged (and had proved very unsatisfactory) we spent over £87,000.
I had tried to recruit some private care at home from a person whom my mother knew and trusted. Some years before the onset of dementia she had broken her sternum and had to have help. The local authority supplied a wonderful, kind woman who related well to my mother from the moment she arrived. I approached her, as she lived nearby, as she had retired, but she was now looking after her own elderly mother, so that option was not possible.
The carers sent by the team were pleasant and all had a background in nursing home care, but often had little real idea of how to cope with what was an increasingly difficult situation of confusion and strange behaviour. It was usually good if they would sit and talk to my mother and engage her in reflection on hobbies, or fashion and her interests in sewing or television programmes she enjoyed.
If, however, my mother became distressed they had little idea how to cope, and indeed would telephone me at work to tell me they were worried and did not know what to do. I did not find this helpful, and it only served to increase my stress level on the urgent train journey back home.
Emergency admission to a local assessment centre
I made the decision after arriving at the house when one incident seemed to be completely out of hand to call the doctor and a very sympathetic GP arrived. I had never met her before, but she was known to be most helpful. In a few moments she assessed the situation as needing immediate action. She secured an emergency admission to a local assessment centre, and I took my mother there.
“I visited the GP, and he told me that I was about to take the most difficult and important decision of my life. I told him what a close friend had said when I had talked to him about the situation. He told me that whatever I decided, would be the best decision and not to worry about anyone else’s opinion. ”
The reason for us going there was not identified to my mother by me. The persuasion needed to make her stay and settle there was that I was going away, and they were keen to help her cope in my absence. The assessment team withdrew, and I visited every day for the two-week period of the residential assessment. As expected, she was functional doing the tasks set of making tea and being careful about her own health and safety. She exhibited no signs of the extreme distress and confusion which had provoked her admission. She was always pleased to see me and talked very pleasantly when I visited. The staff found her, as always charming and cooperative.
In my mind, this was the time I had to make decisions that could not be put off any longer. As I struggled about what to do for the best, I visited the GP, and he told me that I was about to take the most difficult and important decision of my life. I told him what a close friend had said when I had talked to him about the situation. He told me that whatever I decided, would be the best decision and not to worry about anyone else’s opinion.
Look in tomorrow for what happened next.
